Something that researchers have been noticing is that most neurodivergent conditions, such as ADHD and autism, are becoming far more prevalent. Of course, there is a great deal of debate as to why this is. Some believe that the conditions are being overdiagnosed. Some believe that we've simply gotten better at recognizing and diagnosing them. Others believe that it could be coming from environmental factors like chemicals or electronic devices.
However, there is another possibility. Given that most neurodivergent conditions are actually genetic in nature, it is possible that the increased prevalence of them is, in fact, very real. In other words, it's not that it's being overdiagnosed or being recognized more easily, it's that there is an ACTUAL INCREASE in the number of people who are neurodivergent. On top of that, it may not be environmental factors that are causing the increase. I'm no professional, but I am of the belief that the increased prevalence of neurodivergent conditions such as ADHD & autism are real increases and that they are not due to environmental factors. I believe that the increase is actually because we are evolving towards it. We're seeing more neurodivergent people because we need them. There are definitely difficulties that we face in today's neurotypical society, but there are certainly advantages that we have as well, advantages that can actually be of great benefit. I have observed that neurotypical people tend to be very rigid in their manner of thinking. They tend to react very negatively to people who are different from them. I think that has a great deal to do with the massive increase in polarization that we've seen in our society. Anyone different is to be shunned and rejected. Perhaps even to be seen as being evil. No wonder Congress can't get anything done. Also, because people who are neurotypical tend to be conformist, they also tend to approach problems in much the same manner and will come up with similar solutions. On the other hand, people with ADHD or autism tend to be more flexible in their thinking and embrace the differences in people because we are different ourselves. We're more willing to work with and listen to people who are different from us because we believe that it's okay to be different. We approach the solutions to problems differently because our brains are wired differently. And we certainly have A LOT of problems today that could use some very different solutions from what we have already tried. There are even advantages to neurodivergence in the modern workforce. You tend to see quite a lot of people with autism or ADHD working in the tech sector, especially IT. Autistic people tend to have an increased attention to detail and can identify patterns more easily. For those of us with ADHD, we have the ability to hyperfocus on things we find interesting and the fact that we don't filter out information deemed "irrelevant" like neurotypical people might do enables us to find issues or solutions that they might miss because they filtered it out. But one thing is for sure. In a society that is becoming far more rigid & polarized all the time, maybe it is time to accept people that are different and who can see past the differences in others. Our survival may depend on it.
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Before I get started, I would like to note that my son, who we already knew was autistic, has also Anow been diagnosed with ADHD. That makes 3 out of 4 members of my family with ADHD, namely myself and my son & daughter. So, prayers for my wife who gets to put up with all of us 😉.
As I look at many of the things going on in the world today, it strikes me that neurotypical people could stand to learn a few things from neurodivergent people. The very things that neurotypical people have difficulty understanding or accepting about neurodivergent people might be what they need. Here's a couple of examples: Good old Congress seems to be having more difficulty getting anything done than they usually do. They have a double whammy of problems going on that are hindering their ability to function. They're stuck in a very rigid way of doing things that is ensuring that they can't do anything. And that is being caused by Congress becoming far more split into factions that are rigidly inflexible who are also constantly thinking in single variables. For us neurodivergent folks, we don't really worry too much about the specific way things get done. If something can't get done the "normal" way, we come up with a workaround. Heck, to function in a neurotypical world, our lives are pretty much a series of workarounds. We get things done, even if they need to be done a different way. And, especially for those of us with ADHD, it's far easier to see multiple positions & ways of thinking about various issues, because we lack the ability to filter them anyway. It can actually be easier to work with other people, especially people who you might not always agree with, when you see issues as not black & white, but as shades of gray or lying on a spectrum. The other one that comes to mind is problem-solving. This can occur in the business world, in our family lives, in our social lives, or even in places like government. Sometimes, it can be difficult for a neurotypical person to identify a cause of an issue because they've had the normal way of doing things drilled into them. Namely, the whole "don't lose the forest for the trees" philosophy. However, sometimes, the cause of the problem is very much located in the trees, sometimes very deeply in the trees. This is where neurodivergent people can shine, especially with ADHD again. Because of the inability to filter information, we tend to be able to see things that a neurotypical person misses because they subconsciously filter it out as irrelevant information. So, if you're a neurotypical person and you're having trouble solving a problem, seek out one of us neurodivergent people. We might be able to help you out in ways you didn't even think of. When a person has ADHD or really any type of neurodivergent condition, they are unfortunately going to have to deal with a lot of invalidation in their life. I covered some of that in a previous blog post. I tend to focus on ADHD because it's the one I'm most familiar with since I have it. But invalidations certainly apply to pretty much any of the neurodivergent conditions. There is one type of invalidation that possibly cuts the deepest of all. And a lot of that is because of how we often invalidate ourselves as well.
I call this the "You Can't Do It" invalidation. This one really stings. Those of us with ADHD are fighting a battle every day of our lives to cope in a world that isn't designed for us. It's like we're playing a card game and the deck has been stacked against us. Some days, it's exhausting. Some days, you just feel like you can't do anything right. Because, let me tell you, almost nobody can invalidate us worse than ourselves. Trying to fit in with a world that we can't fully understand isn't easy. We still try out best, but sometimes it can feel like our best isn't good enough. Nothing can absolutely devastate us though like getting told by somebody that they just don't think we can do something. Maybe we have a boss at work that says that you'll never be able to turn around your performance. Maybe we have a teacher who says that we'll never be able to pass their class. Maybe we have a partner who says we'll never be able to go for that new job or take that new class because they don't think we can commit to it or pay attention long enough. Whatever it is, it really, really stings for us. We question ourselves all the time. We tend to suffer from low self-confidence because we dont fit in with society's idea of "normal." Getting told by somebody else that they think we're going to fail, that really cuts deep. The thing is, I honestly believe that most people, when they're being invalidating, don't necessarily realize that they're doing it. And they don't realize just how badly they're hurting that person that they are invalidating. So, it's something to really keep in mind if you know someone who is neurodivergent. They could be anybody - a coworker, an employee, a student, a child, or a spouse. Keep in mind that this person is literally fighting a daily battle to fit in. They know they aren't "normal". And often, they're tired, they're discouraged, they're down on themselves. Don't say something to them that's going to make it even worse. Instead, think about what you can do to help. Are there words of encouragement you can offer? Is there something that they do that you can praise? Keep in mind, if they're constantly down on themselves, a little bit of praise can go a long way. When you feel you can't do anything right, it feels good to have somebody tell you that you are doing something right. Ask what you can do to help. Advocate for them, whether it's at school, in the workplace, at home, or out in society. Don't invalidate that person. Tell them that you believe in them. Tell them that you are there for them every step of the way. Show them that they have worth. And give them the room and the freedom to be themselves. If you can let go of your idea of "normal" and embrace the idea that we are all different but we all have value, then it can go a long way in lessening the burden that neurodivergent people face. That way we can feel free to be unapologetically us and we can show you what we are capable of. I found a great podcast that I listen to on Amazon Music about ADHD. It's called "Wait...What Was I Doing? A Squirrel, Ape, and Trash Panda ADHD Podcast." It's hosted by three individuals with ADHD. They swear A LOT, so if that offends you, you might not want to check it out. But, if you have an open mind, it's absolutely worth a listen. They talk about the struggles of living with ADHD. They cover a lot of the invalidation that people with ADHD deal with. They talk about what ADHD is and isn't. If you want to learn a lot about ADHD, then this podcast is absolutely worth listening to. I would fully recommend it.
There was one think that really stuck out to me from their podcast. It's a piece of advice that I've really taken to heart. That advice is to "be unapologetically you." We're not broken, we're just different. Since I heard that, I've actually made less of an effort to come across as "normal". I've tried more and more to just be me. To be who I am. Because who I am isn't wrong. Who I am isn't broken. Who I am is just different. Who I am has worth. Who I am has strength. I recognize that until there is a radical change in society, especially in school or in the workplace, I'm still going to have to struggle through at times and fight hard to do things that are "normal" that don't always come naturally to me. It's the way our society is set up unfortunately. But in my own personal life, in social interactions, at work, wherever, I can show that who I am has value too. That maybe there are different ways of doing things and that those things have value too. One thing that I dream of seeing someday is the end of one-size-fits-all approaches, especially in school or the workplace. Honestly, it's an unnecessarily limiting viewpoint that stifles the full potential of neurodivergent people. This is especially true because, I would argue, that a different way of looking at things would actually be better for everybody in the long run. Since I'm older, I'll use the generalized workplace as an example. Usually, performance is graded with a strict set of criteria. Workplaces try to turn out a bunch of people who are exactly the same. It enforces an idea of "normal". It does, of course, make it easier to manage when everybody on the team is expected to perform and act exactly the same. But, is this the best approach overall? I would actually argue that it's not. Here's an example of why. Neurotypical people will filter out certain information that would not typically be deemed to be relevant. However, what if there is a problem where the cause is in those details that the "normal" members of the team would filter out? The "normal" members of the team will miss the cause. However, the member of the team with ADHD doesn't have that filter. You get frustrated with them because they don't work as fast, they don't crank out the same volume of work, and they sometimes get bogged down in the details & information. But because they don't have that same ability to filter, they actually are able to locate the cause that's in the details that you filtered out, and now you have the ability to work on resolving the issue. To me, the ideal team at work would contain a mix of neurotypical and neurodivergent individuals. And, those people are evaluated on their unique mix of strengths, not necessarily on a one-size-fits-all approach. The neurotypical people can be your volume drivers, putting out the amount of work you like to see. People with ADHD can be your problem solvers, able to look at all of the information instead of filtering it out when searching for a solution. Or they might find issues before they come to your attention. People with autism can be your person who can handle repetitive tasks and will have such a high attention to detail that they can also locate potential issues. Adapting an abilities-based approach to hiring, training, and evaluation versus a one-size-fits-all approach could bring tremendous benefits to a team, all by allowing neurodivergent people to just be themselves and to bring their unique strengths to make the team even stronger, more flexible, and more responsive. Be unapologetically you. By just being ourselves and fighting for our ability & right to be ourselves, we can bring a great change to society. Imagine a world where we celebrate our differences. We look at each other's unique abilities instead of enforcing an idea of "normal". We truly reach everybody's full potential and help each other with our strengths. Be being unapologetically you, we can bring about a world worth fighting for. One of the worst things for those of us with ADHD is when neurotypical people invalidate our ADHD. Many of them aren't doing it on purpose, but they still do it. And it can hurt pretty badly. We struggle enough with trying to fit into a society or a school or a workplace that isn't designed for us. When people invalidate that struggle, it can get really frustrating. Sadly, people with ADHD even invalidate themselves sometimes. There are several different types of invalidations of ADHD.
One type is the idea that ADHD is just the result of bad parenting. If parents were just more strict with their children, they'd be fine. And for adults with ADHD, they just need to grow up and take some responsibility for their shortcomings. These are the people who believe that ADHD is just a made-up condition. This despite countless bodies of research & recognition of ADHD as a real medical condition. A lot of these types of people aren't affected by it. They or a loved one have never experienced it. They are the type of person who fails to understand that these difficulties interacting in society aren't something that we choose for ourselves. ADHD is not due to bad parenting or just a person being too lazy or bad to control themselves. It is an internationally recognized medical condition with biological causes. Some people invalidate the idea that people with ADHD need to take medication. Some of these folks believe that kids with ADHD don't really need medication and it's just an excuse to drug bad behavior away. Not realizing that there is a huge volume of research proving that stimulants like Ritalin or Adderall have a calming effect on people with ADHD. So, to those people, I say "Would you tell a person with diabetes that they don't need to take insulin? Then why do you think it's okay to tell a person with ADHD that they don't need to take medication that will genuinely help them?" A really bizarre invalidation is saying that ADHD was created by Big Pharma in order to get gullible people hooked on drugs. This one is really, really, really, really, really stupid. Let me let you in on a few little secrets. I'll use myself as an example. To get my Adderall, I can only get it in a one month supply at a time. I had to sign paperwork saying that I wouldn't sell or abuse the Adderall. I have to go see my doctor every few months to be able to get more. Oh, and sometimes I forget if I've remembered to take it LITERALLY RIGHT AFTER I TOOK IT. So, you're asking us to believe that ADHD is just made up to sell drugs when said medications are extremely difficult to obtain, require a ton of hoops to jump through, and are being given to people who can't always remember if they actually took them or not? Yeah, no. There are people who invalidate those of us with ADHD by just completely downplaying it or ridiculing it. These are the people who are like "Man, I wish I had an excuse for not always getting stuff done like you do" or "Can you give me some Ritalin, I could use a boost myself". These are the type of people that we absolutely do not have to and in fact shouldn't put up with. If somebody is doing this to you at school or work, report it. Our condition is very real and is not something to be mocked. Some people like to invalidate our need for reasonable accommodations. They think that it's giving us an unfair advantage. First off, accommodations don't give us an unfair advantage. At best, they merely level the playing field to give us a shot at functioning in a school or workplace that, quite frankly, is not set up for us to succeed. You would never question the need for a person to use a wheelchair, so why do you think it's okay to question the need of a person with an invisible disability like ADHD to have some reasonable accommodations. Here's something to keep in mind. As a neurotypical person, you actually have the unfair advantage. Society has been structured with you in mind. It doesn't like deviations from what is considered "normal" and this extends into school and the workplace. Until society gets to a place where we get rid of this idiotic idea of what's "normal" and start recognizing that there is a beautiful diversity of minds out there where everyone can be different & have worth, we'll need accommodations in order to function. There are two invalidations that are extremely hurtful though. The first is the "Everyone feels like that" invalidation. This is the one where neurotypical people think that, just because they have trouble concentrating sometimes, that they understand what we go through. Hate to break it to you, but no you don't. You have absolutely no idea. What we experience, we experience constantly to the point where it has an impact on our lives. It's extremely difficult for us in school or in the workplace because our differences are often looked down upon. They're seen as deficits instead of being looked at as differences & realizing that we have our own strengths that are just different. You don't understand a person's struggle with chronic pain because you pulled a muscle once. You don't understand the struggle of a person in a wheelchair because you sit down too. So, stop saying that you understand what we go through because you have trouble paying attention sometimes. Unless you struggle every single day to hide your symptoms because of the very real possiblity of failure at school or work, unless you struggle every single day to try to look like you're "normal" to keep from being ostracized by a society that doesn't tolerate things that aren't "normal", then you have no idea. And it's extremely invalidating to our struggles for you to say so. The other invalidation that can be extremely damaging is the "Why can't you just be normal?" or "Why can't you just do what I tell you?" one. Newsflash, we can't be "normal" because we're not "normal". We don't do something like you always want us to do because our brains simply aren't wired that way. If you're getting frustrated with someone with ADHD because they aren't "normal" or because they don't do things the way you should do them, guess what? We're getting frustrated too. It can be highly frustrating to deal with people who make no effort to understand why we think the way we do or why we do the things we do. Instead of invalidating who we are and what we go through and how we think, take the time to understand us. Realize that we're just different. We think differently and act differently. Think of ways that you might invalidate someone that you know. What can you do to change that? One of the very best things that you can do is to talk to that person. Ask them what they go through. Take time to learn about their differences. And be a voice for change. Be our ally and help to change society in a way that recognizes & celebrates differences, that allows for people to use their differences as strengths, and that realizes that there is no true "normal". As a neurodivergent person (ADHD) who has two neurodivergent children (Autism & ADHD), it strikes me sometimes how the world views people with disabilities. And this can be physical disabilities or mental disabilities. Often, anybody who deviates from what is considered "normal" is considered to be less than or to need coddled or pitied. Anybody with a disability is stuck trying to function in a world that is not designed for them.
Often, but not always, physical disabilities are the more obvious ones. If somebody is missing a leg or has to use a wheelchair or is blind & uses a cane, those are easy to tell. Unfortunately, they all too often have to fight for accommodations in order to level the playing field. Even when accommodations are made, they are sometimes made grudgingly. Sometimes, people even go in the opposite and try to coddle them when that is not what they need or want. The invisible disabilities have a huge challenge of their own. Certain physical disabilities can be harder to see at first glance. And, of course, mental disabilities are even more difficult to see. This can cause a great difficulty for the person with an invisible disability to get the accommodations that they need, because their disability can't be seen. "Normal" people often have difficulty understanding the invisible disabilities because they don't deal with them in their own lives. This lack of understanding and the structure of society around this idea of "normal" really does cause those of us with invisible disabilities a lot of problems. One of the worst things is the tendency of people to invalidate our disabilities. If they can't see it, then it must not exist. For those of us with ADHD, it can be highly frustrating when people tell us that ADHD isn't real. Or that all we need to do is just focus. Or that it's just an excuse for misbehavior. It's very much real and can even be traced to genetic factors and chemical differences in the brain. Obtaining the accommodations that we need can a highly frustrating and difficult experience for people with invisible disabilities. One of the worst things a "normal" person can do is to question whether we even have a need for any accommodations. And that's something that can make even me angry. Frankly, a lot of these people wouldn't dare to question if a person in a wheelchair needs accommodations, because they can see that. But because they can't see the invisible disabilities, they have no problem questioning accommodations for them. One thing that "normal" people will complain about when it comes to accommodations for people with invisible disabilities (especially mental ones) is that it somehow gives an unfair advantage to the person receiving the accommodation. This can happen in school or the workplace. And let me tell you, accommodations absolutely do not create any sort of "unfair advantage". They are actually designed to level the playing field & ensure equal opportunities for the person receiving the accommodation, and even that isn't really true. Because often the accommodations don't even level the playing field, they just bring it to where the person isn't as disadvantaged as they otherwise would be. Here's where I'm going to be brutally honest. Overall, schools and businesses do a pretty terrible job at accommodating people who have those invisible disabilities. Look at how schools are setup, how lessons are presented, how academic performance is assessed. It's all with "normal" people in mind. Especially people who are neurodivergent are stuck trying to somehow function in a system that isn't designed with them in mind at all. And schools often will fight parents tooth & nail when they try to get accommodations for their children. When our kids were at brick & mortal schools, it was often a huge fight to get them even just some of the accommodations they needed. And even those were frankly inadequate. Most businesses don't do much better. There are some who do, and they should be applauded for that. But most businesses frankly do a pretty terrible taking invisible disabilities & mental health into account. How many businesses have actual mental health days, so that people with, say, PTSD or depression can use them if they're having a difficult day? Not a lot. How many businesses evaluate the performance of their employees with a one-size-fits-all approach that is, once again, geared towards those people who are considered "normal"? Unfortunately, all too many. And to me, this might be one of the biggest missed opportunities in the business world. For anybody reading this who manages or leads employees, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. You probably have more neurodivergent employees than you are aware of. We often try our best to hide our neurodivergent condition because of the stigma that's attached to it. So we just try our best to fit in with the "normal" world as best as we can. But imagine what could happen if we instead embraced the differences of the people on our teams and in our workplaces. What would happen if, instead of forcing these people to fit in with the idea of "normal", we instead used those differences to our advantage and accommodated them when needed? Sure, that person on the team with ADHD might take longer to perform certain tasks. They might struggle with paying attention at times. They might ask you to move them to a quieter area so they can focus better. But, you know what else? That person with ADHD, because they don't filter out information like a "normal" person does, can often identify issues that are buried in the details that a "normal" person would have missed. They will be the person who can think outside the box and come up with novel solutions to problems that you may not have thought of. They will be the person who is usually most willing to try new things. And if you give them something to do that they find really fun, just sit back and watch the magic of hyperfocus in action. Sure, that person on the team with autism might annoy you when they complain about being bothered by sounds or smells that nobody else seems to notice. They might not interact with their teammates as much as you might like because they find social interactions to be awkward. They might get stressed out easily. But you know what else? That person can often provide you with meticulous, high-quality work. Often, they will be some of the most focused employees that you will have. And if they find a topic that they really enjoy, they will often become experts in it. You know what perhaps the best thing about having neurodiverse people on your team is though? We'll usually be some of your most creative people and can make excellent problem solvers. You know why? It's precisely because we often struggle with getting the necessary accommodations to help us to function better in the "normal" world, so we have to get creative and figure out ways to do it ourselves. We figure out novel ways to solve problems because we literally have to do it every single day just to be able to function. So, the moral of the story is to take consideration of the people you encounter every day. Some of them may be dealing with things that you cannot see and struggling to live & function in a world that isn't designed for them. Don't stand in the way or be resentful if those people need a little extra help to even level the playing field somewhat. They struggle enough as it is. See what you can do to help them, and be their ally in getting whatever help they might need. And consider that they have worth too, and they might be able to help you in ways that you never imagined. This post is going to be a bit shorter. But I just wanted to talk about how we need to be able to all show each other some grace.
For those who are neurotypical, I understand that it is difficult to truly understand people like me who are different. Our brains just don't work the same. Unfortunately, society has extremely rigid views as to what "normal" is. Anything that deviates from that "normal" can be difficult to understand. But, even though you might not always understand us, please give us the grace to be different. We aren't broken. We aren't a burden. We aren't bad. We're just different. We might always do things or think about things the way that you do. Even though you might not understand what that child, friend, coworker, or employee is doing, give them the grace to let those differences be okay. Imagine what we can get done if we embrace those differences, especially in the workplace. A team containing neurodiverse individuals could be capable of even more things that a team that's entirely neurotypical or treated as if everybody should be neurotypical. The thing is though, those of us with ADHD also need to show grace to those who are neurotypical who have difficulty understanding us. We need to be able to understand that they won't always be able to truly comprehend the way that we think because they are different. Put another way, if we're different from them, that also means that they're different from us. Because society also has extremely rigid views as to what "normal" is, it can be very difficult for people who are "normal" to understand those who are not. So we need to show the grace to them as well. If we're going to expect them to take the time to learn about us and to think about us more toward their strengths, we need to also have the patience to kindly teach them about us and how we think, act, and work. If we all show each other some grace, it can go a long way towards getting us to a world where we can celebrate our differences and allow each other to be different. Today I want to go over some of the misconceptions and myths about ADHD.
1) Myth: ADHD isn't real. Some people actually think that ADHD doesn't exist and is just an excuse for bad behavior. Some go even further and argue that it's a result of corporal punishment no long er being allowed. Fact: Take it from somebody who lives with it. ADHD is very much real. It is a recognized medical condition, it is hereditary in nature, and there are very real brain differences between people who have ADHD and those who don't. 2) Myth: People with ADHD just need to try harder to be normal. They're lazy, unmotivated, and they're just bad people who don't want to pay attention. Fact: You don't tell somebody who has cancer that all they need to do is not have cancer. We don't tell people with poor eyesight to just see better. So why do we do this with neurodiverse people? It isn't a matter of effort. Believe me, we're trying. The reason that we are different is because our brains work differently. 3) Myth: People with ADHD can't focus. Fact: Oh, this one is very wrong. ADHD is not a lack of an ability to focus. It's a different in our ability to regulate what we're focusing on. In fact, we have an ability called hyperfocus that enables us to focus on things that we find especially fun or interesting so intensely that we can block out virtually all other distractions. Sometimes this might be on something like a video game, but other times it can be on something for school or work which can actually enable us to complete that task more quickly than a neurotypical person. 4) Myth: All kids with ADHD are hyperactive. Fact: There are three different diagnoses for ADHD. One is ADHD that's primarily inattentive. One is ADHD that is primarily hyperactive. And one is a mix of the two. 5) Myth: Only males have ADHD. Fact: Yeah, no. For one thing, my daughter has ADHD. For males & females, SDHD can manifest somewhat diffferently. But females absolutely can have ADHD. 6) Myth: ADHD is caused by bad parenting. Fact: ADHD is caused by neurological differences. 7) Myth: ADHD only affects children. And any adult who wasn't diagnosed as a child can't possibly have it. Fact: For most people with ADHD, it will be with them throughout their entire lifetime, not just their childhood. As for adults, like me, who were only diagnosed in adulthood, we're oftentimes spent our entire lives compensating for our differences without thinking about what was actually causing those differences. Eventually, you grow tired of compensating and decide to figure out why you've been having to do it. 8) Myth: People with ADHD have something wrong with them. Fact: Maybe in the eyes of a society that has stringent ideals on what is "normal". But there is really nothing wrong with us. We aren't broken. We're just different. If we lived in a world where people recognized differences, celebrated differences, and allowed everybody to work toward their own unique strengths, it might be a better place. Unfortunately, there is a great deal of stigma that surrounds ADHD. People with ADHD are often viewed as being defective. They aren't "normal". This causes a lot of parents who might suspect their children of having ADHD to not look into it due to not wanting their child to be ostracized or seen as different. Adults with ADHD don't always report their condition to their employer due to the fear of (illegal) retaliation or being let go (also illegal) so they don't have to put up with their condition. What are some of the stigmas associated with ADHD and how can it affect people who have it?
Some ways that ADHD can manifest is through low motivation toward certain tasks, procrastination, a cluttered-up workspace, and difficulty following through on tasks. Neurotypical people often will view these as being a sign of a person who is just lazy or doesn't try hard enough. Some people even view ADHD as not being a real thing at all, thinking that it's just an excuse for lazy people. However, for the person with ADHD, these things are very real. Being called lazy or told they just aren't trying hard enough can be very damaging. The variety of ADHD symptoms and when they occur can also cause a stigma for "normal" people. When a person has ADHD, their symptoms don't necessarily manifest 24/7. Sometimes they can be fairly "normal" and then other times they struggle with paying attention and they might be bouncing off the wall. Because society expects behavior to be consistent, they can view people with ADHD as "making it up" and just using it as an excuse for "bad" behavior. Other "normal" people can have difficulty understanding how a person with ADHD can have behavior patterns that can vary sometimes at random. They then saying something like "Why can't you just pull it together?" This causes frustration for both the neurotypical person and the person with ADHD. Another stigma is that ADHD can't possibly be real because neurotypical people procrastinate sometimes or occasionally have difficulty concentrating. They then make comments that can be very dismissive. Things like "I have trouble concentrating every now and then, I must have ADHD too." Stop, no, you don't. For those of us with ADHD, this is a daily struggle. And it's very demoralizing when people downplay what we go through trying to fit in with a "normal" society when we are different. There are even stigmas surrounding the medication that many of us take in order to calm our minds down to be better able to function in a world, a school environment, or a workplace that, quite frankly, is not designed for us to be at our best. Quite a lot of people think that we take stimulant medication to get high or to have more energy. This stigma comes from a couple of factors. One is college students who abuse stimulants like Adderall to be able to pull all-nighters. Another is from the misconception that stimulants affect people with ADHD like they do neurotypical people. This is patently false. For us, stimulants actually have the opposite effect. Because they increase the production of certain chemicals in our brains that we lack, they actually have a calming effect on us. Those of us with ADHD also have to deal on an almost daily basis with people who misinterpret the way that we interact with the world. Neurotypical people tend to have their idea of "normal" and will react negatively to anything that deviates from that, never stopping to consider why the person they are interacting with isn't acting in the way that they expect. It can be very demoralizing and very tiring for us to have to deal with when people are simply misinterpreting us. It's hard being different. In school, a student who is disruptive, who is fidgety, who has difficulty completing tasks, or who struggles to concentrate is often viewed as being a bad kid or a weird kid. No child wants to be seen as bad, and it can hurt them tremendously or even make them give up. In reality, they are simply struggling to function in an environment that is not designed for them. Something as simple as moving them to a different part of the classroom to reduce distractions or tweaking the lesson delivery style can make a world of difference. In social situations, the way those of us with ADHD interact is sometimes misinterpreted as being rude. "Normal" people get frustrated with us because we have difficulty maintaining eye contact or paying attention to a conversation. In reality, we sometimes struggle with filtering can cause us to pay attention to everything at once. Combined with everything that might be jumping around through our minds at any given time, it can result in some difficulty with paying attention to a conversation. We don't mean anything rude by it, and it can be frustrating for us when we get misinterpreted as that. Simply keeping the conversation shorter or talking at a different time when we're more focused can make a difference. The workplace is another place where the behavior of people with ADHD can be misinterpreted. Once again, it's a world which often has its ideas of "normal" and which tends not to tolerate deviations from that. Sometimes, people with ADHD get viewed as being lazy or unmotivated employees that get easily distracted. The tendency of people with ADHD to get distracted or to do things differently that what is thought of as "normal" can lead to a great deal of frustration. And that can really hurt a person with ADHD when they are doing their best to function in an environment that isn't necessarily designed with them in mind. But if neurotypical people & people with ADHD take the time to understand each other & meet halfway, it can make a huge difference. So be careful out there with what you think of people with ADHD. We're not broken, we're just different. Take the time to learn about us and how we interact. If we can all let go of the conception of "normal", it might make for a world we can all thrive better in. Welcome to my new blog! I'll write from time to time with some thoughts or musings about life as a neurodiverse person and being the father of two neurodiverse children. I'm new to blogging so apologies in advance if this sucks :)
For my first post, I wanted to just give some thoughts on what it means to be neurodiverse and living in a world that views you as being not "normal". For most of my life, I have not been someone who enjoys social situations. I have difficulty with staying focused. Sometimes, my thoughts are a complete jumble. I have trouble maintaining eye contact with people that I am talking to. I have trouble paying attention to entire conversations. I wondered if something was wrong with me, especially after my daughter had been diagnosed with ADHD several years ago. Finally, at the age of 39, I was diagnosed with ADHD myself. My diagnosis was a mixed bag for me. It was a relief to finally have a name for what I had been experiencing for my whole life. And once I finally knew what was going on, I could finally begin to take concrete steps to function more easily. I was prescribed Adderall, which does definitely help with concentration. But it also opened my eyes even more to something that I had already begun to see with my children. When my children were in public school for elementary school, getting support for them was incredibly difficult. My son is autistic and my daughter has ADHD. Every IEP meeting was a fight. The schools were pretty resistant to providing services to help them thrive. Public schooling was definitely very frustrating. While my children did fine, I don't think that our local school did much to help them to be able to thrive. The simple fact of the matter is that we live in a world of the "normal", i.e. the neurotypical. Society in general has a view of what "normal" is, and it tends to hold a low view of people who don't conform to it. The neurodiverse person, the person with autism, the person with ADHD, the person with dyslexia, and many others, all can find it very difficult to function in this "normal" world. It's no wonder, for instance, that people with ADHD often have a comorbidity of depression or anxiety. We live in a world, whether at school, at work, or while socializing, that tells us that there is something wrong with us. That we're broken. That we're less than. And it gets tiring. It gets frustrating. Struggling to fit in with "normal" expectations can be very difficult. Schools too often are geared toward neurotypical students. Curriculum & educational styles are geared toward the "normal" student. Parents of neurodiverse individuals often struggle to get services to help their children thrive in an environment that isn't made for them. Even, then, those services are in the context of modifications of the approach towards "normal" kids. Imagine what could happen if schools instead embraced the wide diversity of the minds of students. If they had a curriculum that was flexible enough to adapt itself to the strengths and weaknesses of each particular student. What kind of difference could that make for the confidence of students who are autistic or have ADHD or any other condition? Neurodiverse individuals often struggle in the workplace as well. In so much of the business world, everything from hiring to policies to performance appraisal are all geared toward the "normal" person. One thing that a lot of neurotypical individuals look for when interviewing is eye contact. If the person they are interviewing doesn't maintain eye contact, they often view that person as untrustworthy, not realizing that the person might instead be autistic or have ADHD and they have tremendous difficulty maintaining eye contact. Organizations might be missing out on someone who might otherwise make for a great employee. So, perhaps interviewers should look at whether or not something like eye contact or other forms of body language are necessarily the most accurate or important way of looking at a potential candidate. Perhaps you have an employee or coworker who complains about things like smells or noise levels. Are they a weirdo or a problem employee? Or are they just an autistic individual with heightened senses for whom things like this could be a distraction. Maybe you have an employee or coworker who has difficulty maintaining focus, moving from project to project, or remembering instructions. Maybe they get easily distracted. Often, a person like that might be viewed as unproductive. But maybe they are just a person with ADHD, for whom distractions are a way of life. Often, the workplace has a one-size-fits-all policy when reviewing employee performance. It can be frustrating having an employee or coworker who is autistic or has ADHD when you are a neurotypical individual, especially when viewed within those one-size-fits-all policies. Why can't that person stop complaining about stuff around them? Why can't they just be normal? Too often, neurodiverse individuals can struggle greatly in the workplace. After all, it's hard to be "normal" when you aren't. Imagine though if businesses looked at things differently. Maybe there can be more than one way of doing things. Maybe it's time to forget what's normal. Neurodiverse individuals have A LOT to offer. That autistic individual may have difficulty working in teams, they might complain about things that you consider trivial, and they might struggle with directions that aren't incredibly detailed. But they will often be among your most loyal employees. They tend to have a very high attention to detail. If you have a project that needs to get done and done right, they will thrive with that. What about the individual with ADHD? They might struggle with maintaining focus, especially if there are a lot of distractions around. They might even get irritated by distractions. Maybe they're not the most productive people. Maybe they don't do things exactly like you thing they should be done. But they are also some of the most creative people you will know. Because of the fact that they usually have like 5 things going through their minds at once and they have trouble filtering things out, it can actually enable them to see things that you might miss because your "normal" mind filtered them out. They'll tend to be your most outside-the-box thinkers. And they have a superpower called "hyperfocus". There is a common misconception that people with ADHD can't focus. That's not entirely correct. We actually just regulate what we focus on differently. If we find something really fascinating, we can enter a state of hyperfocus where we block out virtually all outside distractions and develop a laser focus on that one thing. If what they are hyperfocused on can benefit the business, the best thing you can do is stay out of the way and let them go to town. So many neurodiverse adults could thrive in the workplace, could thrive in school, could thrive in social situations. We just need neurotypical people would stop thinking of us as being broken. Stop thinking of us as deficient. Stop thinking of us as less than. I'm not sure if the current generation can do this as much since it's ingrained in us from our earliest days at school. And society has it's idea of "normal". Ironically, neurotypical people tend to be far more rigid in how they think people should act and interact in society, in school, or in the workplace. If someone isn't "normal", then there's something wrong with them. But many people who are neurotypical do, in fact, have open minds. If that is you, then take the time to get to know us. Take time to learn about things like autism, ADHD, dyslexia, anxiety, and so much more. Don't look at us like there is something wrong with us. Because guess what? There is nothing "wrong" with us. We're just different. Take the time to learn our strengths and weaknesses. Take the time to learn what makes us who we are. Celebrate those differences. Take the time to get to know that awkward person who might actually just be autistic. Realize that the person who you think is being rude by not paying perfect attention to you might just have ADHD and is paying attention to several things at once. If you employ or work with neurodiverse individuals, look at them as assets instead of liabilities. Sure, they might not do things always how you would like them to, but they bring unique perspectives and skills that you can harness in unconventional ways. It might even change the way you think about doing things. Instead of a one-size-fits-all approach, maybe try to look at the tasks that you need done and think about who might best be able to do them. If you need to knock out a big project, maybe give it to the autistic person on the team. If everybody has looked at a problem and is just completely stumped on how to solve it, have the person with ADHD on the team look at it. They might have a completely different perspective and catch something you missed. As I promised earlier, the situation with my children in school is far different now. If there was any benefit to the COVID pandemic, it's that it pushed my wife and I to look at cyberschooling for our children. We ended up going with Commonwealth Charter Academy (aka CCA). And let me tell you, the difference is night and day from public school for us and our children. There is no resistance to providing the help our children need. IEP's are a collaborative approach, with lots of input from us as the parents and from the staff at CCA. Teachers are very helpful and gear their curriculum to the strengths of each student. They're also virtually always available when my children need some extra help or have a question. And my children are thriving. In 6th grade, my daughter made A-B Honor Roll for the first time. And my son made the regular Honor Roll. You know, it's amazing what can happen when neurodiverse people are looked at not as broken, defective, or less than, but instead are looked at as being just different. |
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Photo used under Creative Commons from Allan Alaoui